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so fun fact about me is I got one of my eyes surgically removed so like now I have this socket. Every morning I pour liquid eyeliner in the pit and like most of it comes out but the pit is still coated so I wear these glasses to cover it up.
I LOVE EYELINER
This is totally not a joke.
-Dead Man
0159
#119- mother issues!
Aug. 9th, 2025 19:51my mom used to be alot bigger than she is now and while shes no longer morbidly obese she is still morbidly a bitch. Shes on ozempic which isn't helping and when I meantioned how so many people are using that as a weight loose drug that diabetics (what ozempic is fucking for.) can't get the medication they need, she uh said "maybe they shouldn't be so fat then" and laughed....
-Dead Man
1957
-Dead Man
1957
#118- Dead Man went out
Aug. 8th, 2025 00:33I went to Evans school event!! Dead Man is proud of himself for going - not only leaving the estate but leaving the city!! it helped that I’ve been here before and ik someone here but I still got that like stomach ache nausea thing and uhhhh almost pussyed out… I DIDNT THOUGH!!!!!
my paranoia was… worse than I thought. I kept hearing someone next to me then I looked and there was no one, I kept feeling eyes on me, anytime someone walked near me I got worried, and uh yeah. I kept telling myself like “stop being self absorbed, no one’s targeting you” but uhh logic wasn’t working
It was a very informal event so there was alot of time in between things, I kept busy by looking around at all the scenery and texting my hoes (Ian isn’t a ho. I’m sorry Ian. do you still love me?)
Seeing him was pog, I never get to see him. He was smiling and laughing and he's super animated which like is so fucking cool. Like I forget he's not in a fucking computer like he has a body
going out can suck though, my glasses are... painful. I hate existing
-Dead Man
0038
my paranoia was… worse than I thought. I kept hearing someone next to me then I looked and there was no one, I kept feeling eyes on me, anytime someone walked near me I got worried, and uh yeah. I kept telling myself like “stop being self absorbed, no one’s targeting you” but uhh logic wasn’t working
It was a very informal event so there was alot of time in between things, I kept busy by looking around at all the scenery and texting my hoes (Ian isn’t a ho. I’m sorry Ian. do you still love me?)
Seeing him was pog, I never get to see him. He was smiling and laughing and he's super animated which like is so fucking cool. Like I forget he's not in a fucking computer like he has a body
going out can suck though, my glasses are... painful. I hate existing
-Dead Man
0038
#117- begging
Aug. 6th, 2025 22:55so ____ is basically begging me to get help. I'm... trying. I'm scared to, I think I'll get better... right? someone please tell me there's hope
so anyways, there are these two girls I hung out with as a kid. Our parents were friends so they would force us to hang out- yknow how it is. I never rlly connected with them, there was an age gap of a few years plus our personlities were quite different. Yet I liked playing with them. I never understood why as a kid but now I realize- they were the only kids I hung out with that didn't do anything sexual to me. like I only hung out with a few people as a kid (autism core) but for some reason they always did smth weird sexually.... I was a hot kid ig
-Dead Man
2303
so anyways, there are these two girls I hung out with as a kid. Our parents were friends so they would force us to hang out- yknow how it is. I never rlly connected with them, there was an age gap of a few years plus our personlities were quite different. Yet I liked playing with them. I never understood why as a kid but now I realize- they were the only kids I hung out with that didn't do anything sexual to me. like I only hung out with a few people as a kid (autism core) but for some reason they always did smth weird sexually.... I was a hot kid ig
-Dead Man
2303
#116- don't read
Aug. 6th, 2025 17:18This is a uhhh very 18+ vent post, you've... been warned
God I hate being a teenager. I'm so fucking horny it hurts like 80% of the time. I'm so jealous of Ian (hes ace), he was once genuinely shocked when I mentioned the so horny it hurts thing. Thats normal right...? I'm normal right?
God its the only thing I think about, I try not to but it's not like I can control it. I feel so. fucking. gross.
Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop.
I'm trying to get an appointment with one if my doctors, I'm pretty sure she can prescribe libido suppressants. would be a very weird appointment "hey woman I barely know, not a big fan of this horny teenager thing.... help?"
-Dead Man
1729
God I hate being a teenager. I'm so fucking horny it hurts like 80% of the time. I'm so jealous of Ian (hes ace), he was once genuinely shocked when I mentioned the so horny it hurts thing. Thats normal right...? I'm normal right?
God its the only thing I think about, I try not to but it's not like I can control it. I feel so. fucking. gross.
Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop.
I'm trying to get an appointment with one if my doctors, I'm pretty sure she can prescribe libido suppressants. would be a very weird appointment "hey woman I barely know, not a big fan of this horny teenager thing.... help?"
-Dead Man
1729
#115- learned hatred
Aug. 5th, 2025 20:17the first time I viewed one of my classmates in a negative way is when my mother called my friend stupid. I didn't see her as stupid before that, I saw her as good at art, I didn't care how good at maths she was.
The first time I looked at myself in a negative way was when my mother assured me that when I hit puberty I won't be fat anymore, that was also the day I learned my body was something to fear.
-Dead Man
2022
The first time I looked at myself in a negative way was when my mother assured me that when I hit puberty I won't be fat anymore, that was also the day I learned my body was something to fear.
-Dead Man
2022
#114- before it got bad
Aug. 5th, 2025 17:59my grandmas always been... old fashioned ig you could say
but before her dementia or whatever she has got bad I would go to her house everyday. I would beat her in connect four, help out around her house, complain about school, and js kinda chill in general. It was chill
I miss it
wtv who cares?
-Dead Man
1804
but before her dementia or whatever she has got bad I would go to her house everyday. I would beat her in connect four, help out around her house, complain about school, and js kinda chill in general. It was chill
I miss it
wtv who cares?
-Dead Man
1804
#113- new step dad- metaphor
Aug. 4th, 2025 16:05My old step dad used to beat my mom. every night I would hear it. I would go to bed imagining all the ways I would kill him, I never did. My step dad knew that I knew. I was one of the only people who knew what he is. He sent me away to a boarding school a few states away. He won.
I couldn't come back home until years later. I often thing about what happened that I don't know about. What happened when I was sleeping, out of the house, everything that happened when I wasn't even allowed to come home.
I hate myself. More than I hate him. More than I should hate anyone. I could've done something. I'm a bad son.
I have a new step dad, I mostly have no opinion on him. If I had my way, I would never have a new step dad. I know that's stupid, my mom is brave for trying again and it would be stupid to just avoid dating men. maybe, idk, half baked thought.
I'm scared. ofc I am. I would like to imagine that if he does anything wrong I'll go into his room at 2 in the morning with a shot gun, maybe I'm to much of a pussy ass bitch. Maybe.
I like metaphors a bit to much...
-Dead Man
1619
I couldn't come back home until years later. I often thing about what happened that I don't know about. What happened when I was sleeping, out of the house, everything that happened when I wasn't even allowed to come home.
I hate myself. More than I hate him. More than I should hate anyone. I could've done something. I'm a bad son.
I have a new step dad, I mostly have no opinion on him. If I had my way, I would never have a new step dad. I know that's stupid, my mom is brave for trying again and it would be stupid to just avoid dating men. maybe, idk, half baked thought.
I'm scared. ofc I am. I would like to imagine that if he does anything wrong I'll go into his room at 2 in the morning with a shot gun, maybe I'm to much of a pussy ass bitch. Maybe.
I like metaphors a bit to much...
-Dead Man
1619
#112- uhhhh
Aug. 3rd, 2025 01:29I can't stop thinking about this person with no discernible name uhhh idk what to call it. They didn't do anything bad I just took it wrong. I hate that I took it wrong. I hate they I didn't just tell them to back off. I hate that... god I hate everything
Anyways, I can't tell if I'm normal hungry or binge hungry. fun.
-Dead Man
0133
Anyways, I can't tell if I'm normal hungry or binge hungry. fun.
-Dead Man
0133
#111- mom I'm tired
Aug. 2nd, 2025 00:06My um... shut in problem thing is getting worse. I went outside today, crazy derealization, crazy... uh.. words hard
anyways, I have new stretch marks which means I'm planning suicide. I was asked to seek medical care about this problem that I'm having but nothing will work. we know this. I'll try though. I'll try and fail to get hope. I have to try, right?
back to the shut in part. I have to get over this. I have to go to Ians house and Evans school event and the library and be a real person. I don't know how but uh yeah
God I am in so much pain. I am tired.
-DEAD Man
0011
anyways, I have new stretch marks which means I'm planning suicide. I was asked to seek medical care about this problem that I'm having but nothing will work. we know this. I'll try though. I'll try and fail to get hope. I have to try, right?
back to the shut in part. I have to get over this. I have to go to Ians house and Evans school event and the library and be a real person. I don't know how but uh yeah
God I am in so much pain. I am tired.
-DEAD Man
0011
#110- boy eepy x6
Aug. 1st, 2025 13:36boy had another nightmare last night. alot happened. uh I'd say the worst part was when I got on a scale.
fun.
on that, boy hungy
anyways, I get paid today! yippie!
I mean like I might get paid today
I was supposed to get paid days ago
Dead Man... who are you...?
disorganized ahh post
-Dead Man
1341
fun.
on that, boy hungy
anyways, I get paid today! yippie!
I mean like I might get paid today
I was supposed to get paid days ago
Dead Man... who are you...?
disorganized ahh post
-Dead Man
1341
#109- always sees.
Aug. 1st, 2025 02:10my dad always knows when my eating issues are getting bad. He knows when I binge and he doesn't make me feel bad about it. He knew when I was anorexic and tried hard to feed me + he told me in his own weird way that he was worried about me.
He is still an old fashioned 50 year old. If I use terms like "eating disorder" or "binge eating" he freaks out, going all "you young people with your terms" or whatever.
So it's weird
like he knows I'm sick. He wouldn't really suggest therapy or even do research like "what to do when my teenager seems to have disordered eating?"
-Dead Man
0219
He is still an old fashioned 50 year old. If I use terms like "eating disorder" or "binge eating" he freaks out, going all "you young people with your terms" or whatever.
So it's weird
like he knows I'm sick. He wouldn't really suggest therapy or even do research like "what to do when my teenager seems to have disordered eating?"
-Dead Man
0219
#107- stop posting.
Jul. 30th, 2025 22:50I see my father, smoking and drinking to cope. my brother does the same. my mother just the former and my other brother just the latter.
I get sick when I see alcohol. I see people raping eachother. driving and killing kids. "joking" about how a party with no alcohol is no fun. I see myself begging people not to drink as they yell at me.
I hate how normalized it is.
That being said my energy drink addiction is an interesting one. Ian tells me how dangerous it is and how much my energy drink addiction is like alcoholism. my brothers only told me hes concerned about me once or so and everyone else either doesn't realise how bad it is or has an addiction themselves so they can't exactly bitch about mine/ they don't care.
(I'm drinking rn)
-Dead Man
2258
I get sick when I see alcohol. I see people raping eachother. driving and killing kids. "joking" about how a party with no alcohol is no fun. I see myself begging people not to drink as they yell at me.
I hate how normalized it is.
That being said my energy drink addiction is an interesting one. Ian tells me how dangerous it is and how much my energy drink addiction is like alcoholism. my brothers only told me hes concerned about me once or so and everyone else either doesn't realise how bad it is or has an addiction themselves so they can't exactly bitch about mine/ they don't care.
(I'm drinking rn)
-Dead Man
2258
it doesn't hit like it used to. it doesn't taste good, it doesn't feel good. theres no satisfaction, theres just pain. god it used to feel so good. it's not coping anymore its just fighting for how good it used to feel
bingeing- try it! its a good way to cope! /j
-Dead Man
2222
bingeing- try it! its a good way to cope! /j
-Dead Man
2222
#104- Dead Man wants his mom
Jul. 29th, 2025 23:40I want my mom.
Not my real mom.
I want all the women that I've called mom throughout my life
I miss my friend who I've grown apart from, the one I used to call "Ma" and she would call me "little baby [real name]" since shes a few years older than me. I miss her.
I miss that one person who I secretary call mom and cry everytime she doesn't hit me for it
I miss all of those friends I "jokingly" call mom
I miss all of those grown women who would treat me as their own child when I was younger
I miss... idk, I've never had a real mom
greatful to every women who treats me like her son without the beating me part, thats cool of them
-Dead Man
2346
Not my real mom.
I want all the women that I've called mom throughout my life
I miss my friend who I've grown apart from, the one I used to call "Ma" and she would call me "little baby [real name]" since shes a few years older than me. I miss her.
I miss that one person who I secretary call mom and cry everytime she doesn't hit me for it
I miss all of those friends I "jokingly" call mom
I miss all of those grown women who would treat me as their own child when I was younger
I miss... idk, I've never had a real mom
greatful to every women who treats me like her son without the beating me part, thats cool of them
-Dead Man
2346
#103- Dm's complaining again
Jul. 29th, 2025 22:47The only people who find me attractive are lying or severely mentally ill
straight up like I've dated people who like my personality so much that they can cope with my looks. It's fine though, I've low-key dated guys and it's kinda been like "yeah I'm in love with you, sure I can cope with the fact that your male" yknow?
at least it means I have a good personality...?
I was talking to a friend of mine who I genuinely don't think is ugly but most do and they know that. they were talking about how they know that anyone who is friends with them is friends with them for their personality and not their looks + they don't really mind how they look and are happy in life
channeling my inner that friend (it's not working)
-Dead Man
2253
straight up like I've dated people who like my personality so much that they can cope with my looks. It's fine though, I've low-key dated guys and it's kinda been like "yeah I'm in love with you, sure I can cope with the fact that your male" yknow?
at least it means I have a good personality...?
I was talking to a friend of mine who I genuinely don't think is ugly but most do and they know that. they were talking about how they know that anyone who is friends with them is friends with them for their personality and not their looks + they don't really mind how they look and are happy in life
channeling my inner that friend (it's not working)
-Dead Man
2253
#102- boy eppy x4
Jul. 27th, 2025 13:47had another ___ raping me nightmare
It was... violent
I woke up... not feeling great
I thought it was real at first, it felt so real
obviously ik that he wouldn't do that intentionally
but I still feel like shit
god I'm tired.
I'm so tired of being scared, tired of not sleeping.
-Dead Man
1353
It was... violent
I woke up... not feeling great
I thought it was real at first, it felt so real
obviously ik that he wouldn't do that intentionally
but I still feel like shit
god I'm tired.
I'm so tired of being scared, tired of not sleeping.
-Dead Man
1353
#101- ugh.
Jul. 26th, 2025 22:58I need to cut. I need to cut so much my brain eats itself. If I try I'll js binge eat. god. fuck. fuck. fuck.
pretty much the only thing stopping me from killing myself is Ian
Evan will be fine. he's more resilient than he thinks he is
my brother... could go either way
all my other friends will go "oh my god why didn't he reach out? why didn't I realize?" then forget about me last week
I can name at least one person that would be happy
Ian would not be... okay.
He might not kill himself bc he has an Ian of himself. Someone who would kill themselves if he killed himself. I don't think that other person has an Ian, either way Ians Ian shouldn't kill themselves.
I can't do that to Ian. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. Don't do that Dead Man. Don't do that to him.
Don't cut till you die. Don't try it. you'll fail, your NOT strong enough. Pussy.
-Dead Man
2307
pretty much the only thing stopping me from killing myself is Ian
Evan will be fine. he's more resilient than he thinks he is
my brother... could go either way
all my other friends will go "oh my god why didn't he reach out? why didn't I realize?" then forget about me last week
I can name at least one person that would be happy
Ian would not be... okay.
He might not kill himself bc he has an Ian of himself. Someone who would kill themselves if he killed himself. I don't think that other person has an Ian, either way Ians Ian shouldn't kill themselves.
I can't do that to Ian. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. Don't do that Dead Man. Don't do that to him.
Don't cut till you die. Don't try it. you'll fail, your NOT strong enough. Pussy.
-Dead Man
2307
#100- posting about Ian again
Jul. 26th, 2025 15:15When she was over I let her try on this adorable dinosaur hoodie of mine and she loved it so I was like "you want it?"
Yeah so its hers now
she looks SO cute in it
she always looks better in my clothes than I do, I should give her all my clothes
UGH I MISS HER
yesterday I had my head in her lap and she called me pretty or handsome or smth, I told her to not pity me and she said smth like "you might not feel the same but that doesn't give you the right to say I'm lying"
also, another time, she was upset at me about smth but then went "your still good, I still love you"
Marry me Ian. Now.
Non optional.
I miss her. I wanna see her.
I'm supposed to go round her house... uh. She wants my too meet her mom... more... her mom wants me to meet her mom. I'm nervous. ugh. her mom's voice is similar to that of a women I once knew, a not great women I once knew. I hope thats not a problem. Whatever, I'm mostly nervous cause meeting parents SUCKS. I'm gonna mess up every chance I get, she'll be mad at me, her parents won't like me, she'll come over even less than she already does. Ugh. I'm being paranoid
-Dead Man
1529
Yeah so its hers now
she looks SO cute in it
she always looks better in my clothes than I do, I should give her all my clothes
UGH I MISS HER
yesterday I had my head in her lap and she called me pretty or handsome or smth, I told her to not pity me and she said smth like "you might not feel the same but that doesn't give you the right to say I'm lying"
also, another time, she was upset at me about smth but then went "your still good, I still love you"
Marry me Ian. Now.
Non optional.
I miss her. I wanna see her.
I'm supposed to go round her house... uh. She wants my too meet her mom... more... her mom wants me to meet her mom. I'm nervous. ugh. her mom's voice is similar to that of a women I once knew, a not great women I once knew. I hope thats not a problem. Whatever, I'm mostly nervous cause meeting parents SUCKS. I'm gonna mess up every chance I get, she'll be mad at me, her parents won't like me, she'll come over even less than she already does. Ugh. I'm being paranoid
-Dead Man
1529
