not_real

when me and the mean one stopped talking i got very very upset and became entirely focused on how intensely I missed him. I previously was super obsessed with an ex of mine, O, who I had been unable to get over for over a year it was really quite tragic. But losing that person made me stop caring about O all together because how could I?? I lost something way more important.
Losing homebase was supposed to do the same thing. Him blocking me while was painful and horrible was bittersweet because at least now I could stop missing the mean one right?? why didn’t it work
it worked for a little bit. very briefly I was free. He’s back. He’s haunting me. He’s everywhere. He’s everything.
Every person looks like him and every song reminds me of him every show he liked every movie he watched every single thing is his and his and his and his and i hate it
I miss him. So bad. But even worse than missing him is constantly having him stuck in my mind.
I need out.

Current Music: She Sings - Mook

faceless_ghostz

when I accidentally burn myself and know how to take care of a burn but choose not to because i know you have a scar in the same place the burn is
(god i hope it scars)

loly

Shart I'm just gonna hope that's not cancer. Like I wouldn't have cancer right like that's crazy my brother already has cancer I don't need to as well. Uhhh unless it gets noticeably bigger I'm not gonna tell anyone cus I could just be paranoid. My schedules too busy for me to have cancer so surely I don't have it that'd be insane so it's not gonna happen right? Also wth I got charged by peacock I'm not supposed to until the 7th ughhh.

faceless_ghostz

I had a dream last night!! that school started and i got there and was walking around and homebase saw me and they waved and said hi super excitedly and i got confused so i js kinda walked past them but they caught up to me and they were talking to me like normal and we went through the whole day just chitchatting completely like normal and cuddling and hugging and holding hands and at lunch i went to A and Loly and told them and they were like “wtf?” and i said idk why but i like it so i don’t mind
everytime ive dreamed about him recently it’s just been him being nice to me and me being confused as to why
I don’t wanna miss him he’s happy now and I’m okay with him being gone I don’t even think about him during the day most of the time anymore but
i do. i do really really miss him. and idk what i did that was so wrong to deserve this but I’ll take it and I’ll deal with it but why. we had so much more left to do.

faceless_ghostz

Dead Man said post so Ian is posting
anything for him

faceless_ghostz

An old post of mine was titled “closer” it was about HomeBase and it was a long long rant saying i love them, that I eventually privated because Mr Boyfriend got upset about it
Something that some did today reminded me of something I said in it though so here’s a little excerpt from said post:

“ When they ask me what's wrong, I say "nothing" until they ask me again, or drop it. That's how I decide who cares and who doesn't. Someone who accepts "nothing" when it's obviously something, is only asking to be nice. Someone who decides "nothing" isn't good enough, actually wants to know.
These are unconventional ways obviously, and it's not healthy for me to base whether or not somebody cares about on whether or not they believe me, but it is useful. Using this method you'll discover that many less people care than you'd think. Your parents don't REALLY care, your partner(s) don't care, and most of your friends don't. And most surprisingly your BEST friend doesn't. I'm no abolitionist, obviously they care about you, they love you, and they want you to be okay. They just don't care enough to try and fix things for you. Which is okay. It is not their job to fix your problems, its yours. I'm not trying to say that anyone should push past the first "nothing", but rather its important to take note of those who do. “

faceless_ghostz

“I’m gonna do it as soon as that happens.”
“Ian, no you’re not.”
“no really I am, unless something drastically changes I will.”
“Ian. No. You. Won’t. Don’t kid yourself.”

faceless_ghostz

switch x switch duos my beloved

loly

I wanna be loved so bad or just genuinely cared about. M wants more than anything to mean something to someone and not just be peoples last resort to talk to when there's no one else to converse with or someone that people will forget about just days after dying. I need someone that I can excited when I see a message left by them and have them get excited seeing me in the school hallways. Someone I can laugh with, cry to, hug, kiss, just exist with knowing that they'll love me back. Someone that'll make me wanna dress up cutely and go a date with. God if your real please let me mean something special to someone and have them also mean something to me.

Current Music: No Surprises

faceless_ghostz

Shoutout to that one dude for bringing me down from a breakdown and making me feel completely better about the situation so i dont cry again later
he even called me after for proof that i wasnt crying anymore and stayed on call with me for awhile(we’re still on call)
bros the only person that can comfort me that well and BRO KNOWS ME SO WELL like we’ll be talking snd he fan literally predict not just what i’ll say but how I’ll say it down to the hand motions i do
love that guy

loly

I'm probably (definitely) about to be heavily medicated again for a while I don't wanna, meds taste nastyyy but also Loly kinda wants to breathe so I gotta :(. Also arm update it started bleeding again today can it just stop already like I fell Monday it bled to four-ish days straight, stoped for a day and it decided it's not done yet. AUGHHH I CANT BREATHE RN

citrus_citrus

He’s going to look at me differently the next time I see him
I haven’t told him how bad the scarring gets during the summer.
Fuck.

citrus_citrus

Fuck my legs are getting tan again.
/vneg

citrus_citrus

“I wish I had more time to see you”
No.
You made that choice.
You made the decision to go back, even though I did tell you what it would entail.

citrus_citrus

My mother only hugs me when she’s about to tell me what I’m in trouble with her
I told her that and she was upset at me for it
What??

faceless_ghostz

“ Said he likes crazy girls, but he hates when I’m crazy !! “

Current Music: Crazy Girls - TOOPOOR

ithinkiknowwhatimdoing

hey gang whats up
my little cousin's birthday party is soon which im super excited for bc i love my little cousin and a family friend that i never see but have always been super close with is gonna be there!! we're literally the same age and no one else in my family is our age!! also we're both alternative so i wont be the only one being harrassed(but ill be harrased more than him bc ill be in a wheelchair lol)
anyways tho, my little cousin, ill call her AJ is super cool, she'll be turning 7 this year i think. i see her sometimes at family reunions (which ive been avoiding) and shes always so respectful about my transness and my mobility aids. thats thanks to her mom by the way(whos also disabled) so it feels really good to know be the only disabled person in the family lol.
anywas im getting off track
im really excited but nervous to go, this will be the first time ive gone to a "family" event in my brand new ride. im sure it'll be fine tho, ill just stick to the people i like and deal with the rest. im totally gonna flex my wheelies off tho :>
uh thats it i guess !!

Current Mood: excited

faceless_ghostz

sobbed last night just out of anger
how are people so selfish?
i literally was sobbing furious and un understanding because how the fuck does that one guy have EVERYTHING a person could want has the best possible shit a person could want and is actively running away from it. How is he that fucking delusional to think ANYTHING could be better. I want to slap him and tell him to wake up and realize how fucking lucky he is to have EVERYTHING THAT IVE EVER FUCKING WANTED. But I don’t want to because maybe just maybe if he gives it all up if he’s stupid enough to give it up maybe it’ll get to me maybe I’ll get it.
I at one point, when that thing happened, genuinely considered messaging him and being like “HEY. STOP BEING A FUCKING IDIOT.” but I didn’t.

How can someone take something so perfect and pure and wonderful and kind and convince it to love them unconditionally and unmistakably and to worship them and then think of it like its the devil it’s infuriating.
I fucking hate him for not understanding how perfect it is.

faceless_ghostz

“ I don’t know what I’ve done, but I’ll leave you alone from now on if that’s what you want. …Is that what you want? You know why I’d leave you alone? Because I care about your feelings more than mine. I love you. “

Current Music: quote from Tate Langdon AHS

faceless_ghostz

“ Talking to strangers online is the best decision I ever made!! Reality is lemons and the internets my lemonade!! “

Current Music: Burnt Rice

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not_real

August 2025

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Page generated Aug. 9th, 2025 02:49

Reading

He’s back

This is totally not true…. i- i wouldn’t do that

#9 uhhh?

GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD

(no subject)

Repost

the other guy and ian having rouse

otr

#8 Lonely Again

guy !

#7 Tis the season

#43

#42

#41

#40

sigh

(no subject)

Ian’s PISSED(the other guy is just kinda watching)

Somebody sedate me I don’t wanna relate to nor simp over this guy he’s genuinely awful

I’m gonna be a disappointment just like you !

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August 2025

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