#1- idgaf

I keep saying I’m a half girl half boy then like NOT explaining it. A few months ago I asked myself “if I wasn’t fat, would I be a trans girl?” and I didn’t like the answer. Fat guys are made fun of all the time and shit and life still sucks but not as much as fat girls lives suck. I want to put on a dress and makeup but I don’t want to look like makeup on a pig or look like a fat girl who can only feel pretty with 7 pounds of makeup and some shit 200 dollar hair salon appointment. Like I don't have any dislike for fat girls I just have dislike for *me* as a fat girl. I don't fucking care though. I don't fucking care. I'm a fucking male. a boy. and man. I like being called he. I like having a penis. I like my brother and I being brothers. I like my girlfriend and I being gf and bf. I like being called handsome. I'm a boy. right? I'm a boy. I have to be.


I'm fighting (fighting? idk if we really are or not, idk) with my gf about my glasses, idk what to do, I wanna say idgaf but I can't bc I do. Buuuuuuuut it's my glasses so I'm just saying nothing to avoid saying something I shouldn't. I'm gonna wait till it kinda like all blows over, like- thats bad but like I gotta, yknow? she doesn't get it and niether does anyone else but I do so- thats something.


I want to relapse. I'm just not strong enough.