not_real

A couple of my friends don’t understand why I put so much effort into being busy
When I’m busy, I don’t have to think about anything but what I’m doing
I don’t have to feel anything other than being focused at whatever I’m doing
It’s part of the reason why I love guard so much
It tires me out
I don’t have to be constantly reliving my past
If I’m not busy with something, I end up thinking too hard
Thinking about how I let the abuse happen
Thinking about how even years later, I still can’t get the feeling of his hands off me
In 5 years, I’ll have a body he’s never touched.

darkoshi

The last time I bought an ebook from Amazon for my Kindle was in January.
I somehow missed this news:
Download & Transfer for Kindle eBooks Going Away on February 26
How to Download Kindle Books to Your Computer Before Amazon Kills the Feature

You would think that Amazon would notify its Kindle customers about something like that themselves, but I'm pretty sure I didn't get any email about it.
So I was surprised today (after buying another book which wasn't available on any other platform) to find out that download was no longer available. I always liked to downloaded the books to my computer first and then transfer them to my Kindle using a USB cable. It is a 2010 model. It does have wifi, so I was still able to send the book from my Amazon account to the device, and then copy it from the Kindle over USB to my computer for backup.

I've always liked that this version Kindle has physical buttons. But I think I will start looking for a non-Amazon ebook reader or tablet.

citrus_citrus

I guess it was stupid of me to expect to actually get to talk to him when he’s with his family
He called me for ten minutes, and during those ten minutes he said two words to me
Two
Fucking
Words
I’m trying to not be upset about it because I understand family is important, esp when you haven’t seen them in a while
But I’m a person you care about too
Right?

citrus_citrus

I don’t really feel things anymore
I mentioned this to someone I know and he was very concerned
It’s not concerning
I’m okay
I feel some things
Just not as much as I used to
I’m okay. I’m okay.
Maybe I can convince myself that I am

citrus_citrus

YAY BOXED MAC AND CHEESE I HAVENT GOTTEN THESE IN YEARS IM SO EXCITED

citrus_citrus

I had a dream last night
One that I haven’t had in a while
It starts off normal
Like any other day, I’m hanging with my friends
Then I find myself alone. All alone in an alleyway, or park, or some place not many people can see, it varies
And then it’s dark, a bag or something is covering my head and I feel hands around my neck, choking me until I pass out
When I wake up, I see him, let’s call him Ryan (cause that name annoys me)
Ryan has a knife, a very specific one.
I’m tied to a chair
He drags out someone I care about
Forces me to watch as he does exactly what he did to me to them
Just before whoever he’s torturing passes out or dies, he forces them to watch as he attacks me, and they can’t do anything about it
The dream changed last night slightly
Mid attack on me, a person found me
They saved both of us
They saved me

I can’t get the feeling of his hands off my body no matter how many times I scrub my body

teenagegirlboy

everything is fine when you stop feeling the pain, when the nerves are fried, but it's still drilling into your skull, and when it hits your brain, when you think about it, you will realize that you are in hell. You will realize why your stomach dropped every time you got a text just like it had before. because you needed to stop ignoring it. She helped you. She helped you. She saved you. She led you by your shackles into heaven.

Zol ulcly avvr aolt vmm aovbno.

faceless_ghostz

heres where he says “probably not” and i get sad and cry about it even tho i knew it would be the answer
okay now lets check the notification and see if i was right
HE SAID “why do you want to” WHAT!?

citrus_citrus

You act strong, like nothing can hurt you
But sometimes you just want someone to notice
That you’re hurting

citrus_citrus

Sometimes I think about how my mother is constantly talking about her genetics, and how much they’ve affected her body in a negative way
She apologizes for how much it didn’t give her the way she wanted to
And oh how I look so much like her /neg

loly

As September soon approaches Loly begins to look back at their life knowing that it's soon coming to an end. Loly has been wanting to leave for over a decade now however was afraid for their siblings safety but has finally realized they are all far older than Loly was when Loly had to carry them up stairs and hide them in a closets so our mom couldn't find us, and if Loly could raise seven children alone as a child themself without knowing if their parents were even alive for years then their siblings too can surely survive by their parents loving side. Loly is happy they got to make some 'friends' in their most recent years when they look back to when their dad told them he paid parents from our church for their children to play with Loly though their children never did. Loly's more recent friends made it clear that they no longer wish to remain close or even in touch but despite that Loly has bittersweet feelings when it comes to all the memories they had made with these friends since it's likely they are leaving because of something Loly is unaware of that they did to them. Loly was never wanted at birth not by their own mom and dad so there's no point in worrying about them wanting Loly after they finally die. With the way things are going who knows maybe Loly will get to go along side their brother. Until the time comes for Loly to go they at least know they have one person to talk to even if they have doubts about them not wanting to talk to Loly anymore.

Current Mood: Tired
Current Music: Let Down

faceless_ghostz

“ 'Cause I take fixing people's problems like an antidepressant
And now I'm overthinking, breathing
Never process my feelings
So doctor, tell me why I'm like this
Codependent crisis “

Current Music: Tell me that you’re okay - Noahfinnce

faceless_ghostz

i keep feeling super alone at night
“i need someone” god ian why cant you need someone at like 1 am why 4
you have nobody to get help from for hours

Current Music: not a lot, just forever - Adrianne Lenker

citrus_citrus

“And Icarus laughed as he fell, for he knew to fall means to once have soared”

citrus_citrus

When fall guard season starts, my hands get cut up
I bleed
I don’t care
It doesn’t hurt me anymore
And yet people are concerned when I have multiple cuts on my hands

faceless_ghostz

He broke up with me on the sixth, we were talking about getting promise rings on the fifth, and we’ve never once gotten into an argument the entire time I’ve known him.

There aren’t signs.

faceless_ghostz

I love my bf so much. I wish we could hold each other right now. We could both use it.
He has my whole heart.

faceless_ghostz

Was scrolling through my camera roll while on call, looking through photos of you. Just you. Typed your name into the search thingy. God you’re so pretty. You’re so fucking gorgeous. I came across a photo of us lying in your bed, my arms around you watching a show. I winced a little because it hurt. And then I saw a photo of us lying there, my holding you, kissing your forehead, and you smiling with your eyes shut looking perfectly content. I went through our messages from towards the end. 14 hours. 14 hours it went from you begging to marry me and saying we’ll be so in love to you asking me when you’ll see me next because you were going to break up with me. 14 hours we went from spamming heart emojis to each other and saying ily in all caps to me saying “I love you” and you just replying with a heart emoji because in your head it was already over.
We were so happy. I was so happy. You told me you were happy why did you leave. We could’ve worked it out.
I was reading the messages while on call with dead man, and he heard me start crying and said “do you want to break up?” I asked what he was talking about and he was like “well they’ll probably get back with you if we break up” and i told him thats not true but you know what the fucked up thing is? This isn’t the first time he’s asked that. And I’ve thought it so many times. I’ve considered asking you if thats true so many times. But at the end of the day I do love him more than I miss you but god why do I have to miss you. I shouldn’t have to. We could’ve fixed it. So easily too.
14 hours C. What the hell changed so fast.

faceless_ghostz

“ I’d slit my own throat, just to see if you’d mourn me.
I want your things in my room. I miss you all of the time.
I stalk myself on the internet just to see what you’d find. “

Current Music: In My Room - Julia Wolf

faceless_ghostz

I’ll drink water for every meal instead of food before i ever look at the scale and see something over 130.

not a bash at other people dont take it that way please?? im js mentally ill about myself i dont see anyone elses body gross but mine i promise

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not_real

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Reading

#31

Amazon no longer lets you directly download Kindle book files to a computer

#30

#29

#28

#27

acid on cranium

predictions

#26

#25

#1 September 21st

brains malfunctioning

scared

#24

#23

I’m not mad

Him <33

You’re not the one that got away because you’re still here you’re just twisting the knife

Ians already posted this songs lyricsss(about the mean one and The one that got away)

Possibly Problematic Post pt5

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July 2025

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