#113- new step dad- metaphor

My old step dad used to beat my mom. every night I would hear it. I would go to bed imagining all the ways I would kill him, I never did. My step dad knew that I knew. I was one of the only people who knew what he is. He sent me away to a boarding school a few states away. He won.
I couldn't come back home until years later. I often thing about what happened that I don't know about. What happened when I was sleeping, out of the house, everything that happened when I wasn't even allowed to come home.
I hate myself. More than I hate him. More than I should hate anyone. I could've done something. I'm a bad son.

I have a new step dad, I mostly have no opinion on him. If I had my way, I would never have a new step dad. I know that's stupid, my mom is brave for trying again and it would be stupid to just avoid dating men. maybe, idk, half baked thought.
I'm scared. ofc I am. I would like to imagine that if he does anything wrong I'll go into his room at 2 in the morning with a shot gun, maybe I'm to much of a pussy ass bitch. Maybe.

I like metaphors a bit to much...


-Dead Man
1619