#66- hey guys

I am NOT okay. I got my days mixed up, its a day later than I thought it was. I missed something important yesterday and uh... its July 3rd.

It fucking snuck up on me. I didn't know it was until I randomly checked my computer. It didn't feel real. I had a pstd flash back worse then any i've had in AWHILE and panic texted Ian. He called me almost immediately. hes so cool.

Theres more to say but I'm fucking shaking


-Dead Man
0337

#67- Hey Dead Man!

Hey Dead Man! When you see your girlfriend shirtless your supposed to like call her hot or hit on her or smth, idk what guys your age do. What I do know is your not supposed to "god I wish I looked like her"
Your a man!!!! see a girl without a shirt and think with your dick not that stupid fucking voice in your head going "ugh why am I so fat" your not allowed to be upset! It's your fault.


-Dead Man
0414

#68- not 14

hey so I'm not 14. I'm not 14. I always instinctively say I'm 14, been doing it since I was 12. I wonder how long it'll last for. Everytime I say it I don't even notice, then this weird, creeping feeling washs over me. Dead Man isn't 14. I once said it on the phone with Ian, it was in the middle of something I was saying and when I was done talking he stayed silent then went "you... aren't 14" (paraphrasing).
It felt like getting hit by a truck. It felt like finding out your sister is actually your mom and the woman who you called "mom" for 18 years is actually your grandma. It felt like having an episode and someone confonts your delusions. It felt like... I'm not 14.
I don't like not being 14. I'm mentally stuck at 14. alot happened at 14. alot didn't.
I'm crying for help. this is a cry for help


-Dead Man
0456